This was my last Fat Pants Friday until after Lent.
Hey, if I’m going to make a run at the 40th Grandma’s Marathon, I’ve got to be physically able to move myself 26.2 miles. I’m close; but, to make absolutely sure, I’m cleaning up my act for six weeks. That means white meat only, no food challenges, and no more than one pint of beer per non-Monday day.
Before the break, though, I learned the secret behind Angel’s super-hot jalapenos and leveled a chili-dog/cheeseburger challenger in front of a corner of onlookers. Let’s hop right in:
WHAT DO THEY CALL THIS? They called this The Lipsmacker.
TOP TO BOTTOM: Jalapeno, pretzel bun, cheddar fondue, French fries, hot dog? Hot dog. 6Smith’s signature chili, beef patty, cheddar fondue, French fries, hot dog, chili, beef patty, bottom bun. There was bacon jam in there someplace. The asparagus came on the side.
NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION: There was plenty of protein, carbs, and spice to assist with digestion. Come to think of it, it might be healthier for me to eat exclusively these during Lent. You never know what they’re putting in green beans these days, y’know?
WHO’S WITH ME? They looked so hoity-toity, the couples around me.
To my left, a pair of dirty martinis were served in advance of an oyster plate. The couple specified Nisqually and West Coast oysters. Her manicure looked fresh. He spoke with a decisive, discriminating tone.
To my right, two women drank wine and gossiped about exes. They dressed well and carried nice purses. I laughed inside. Wait till they get a load of me.
WHAT’S THAT GLOWING OUTSIDE? That’s the chilly bar, yo! It’s going on all day today. Hit it while it’s hot.
STRATEGY: This was compact and pretty straight-forward. Looking back, I maybe wish I had tried eating it like a regular cheeseburger. In any event, I hacked it up and deleted it in less than 10 minutes.
Remember the snooty people sandwiching me? They were into the action! The women to my right cheered me on, and the couple to my left explained how the gentleman used to don Fat Pants weekly himself before the doc put him on a restricted diet.
The only caution I took was eating the jalapeno between bread bites. Still, I was reduced to wet eyes and hiccups. I’ve eaten scorpion pepper chicken wings and left in better shape than this. HOW?!
“It’s because I rub them,” said Chef Angel.
TURN YOUR JALAPENO INTO A BOMB Angel explained the process of rubbing peppers: how it releases the heat of the seeds into the pepper itself (the heat is produced by a compound, but I don’t explain science well enough to get into this). Back home, said Angel, his father would ask his mother to “rub him a jalapeno.”
Once released into the chamber of the pepper, Angel then grills the peppers. That, he says, intensifies the heat even more.
“When it comes out,” he said, “it’s like a bomb.”
He then serves it to me.
ABOUT THE BREAK: For the next six weeks, the plan is to speak with fellow Fat Pantsers and tell their stories during my break. I’ll be there on Fridays, but I’ll be the guy with the chicken wings or the mac-n-cheese. If YOU plan on having a Fat Pants over the next six weeks, hit me!