This is what happens when I get sucked into #2ndBrunch.
You can’t always assume a cup of coffee will just end with an empty cup. For me, it ended with a cartoonishly huge Bloody Mary. What’s affectionately called the “Finn Stick” hung out of its lid, next to a maimed and impaled grilled cheese sandwich and the contents of a Christmas meat box.
Does this even look like a real thing? It looks Photoshopped, the same way a shirtless Ryan Gosling or Kate Upton in Antarctica look Photoshopped. It is a real thing, though. I
drank it ate it fit this into my visceral sector, one triumphant chomp at a time.
What happens on #2ndBrunch stays on the Internet. Since we’re here, I’m going to whip out my Finn Stick and throw it on the table for you to look at.
The Basics: Finnish Bistro is mashed up with a Dunn Bros. on the corner of Como Ave. and Carter Ave. Google it; the road map around it looks like a toddler drew it up. I’m not sure if this was by design but the Bistro and Dunn Bros. do their exterior signage in the same font.
The similarities follow them inside. I’d guess 40 goers fit. The row of bottled spirits on the back shelf do little to separate Finnish Bistro from a commercial coffee house. Go to your nearest Dunn Bros. and look around. Picture a fake bouquet in the window and you’ve got Finnish Bistro.
Blah blah blah let’s get to the Bloody Mary.
You can order Mary by herself in a mason jar, or you can add sticks. All three of us had the grilled cheese pikes, because it was Sunday (God probably did, too). Some were more grilled than others, though. Lindsay’s (left) and Kelli’s (right) kabobs were stacked up with well-toasted bread and melted cheese, but my bread was still soft and I could tell they use shredded cheese. This altered our viewpoints dramatically; while they raved about their cheese pikes, I found mine the most boring.
“The Hunter Stick” is aptly named, built around exotic meats you can only find in the wildest of wilds, such as … okay, fine, salami and kielbasa sausage. Not exactly alpaca and rattlesnake. Swiss cheese and olives get poked on with it, unless you’re me and hate olives. Only Lindsay and I dared hunt the salami and sausage.
On “The Finn Stick” was salmon lox, more Swiss, salami, kielbasa sausage, pickled herring,
and olives. Cucumbers are advertised, but I don’t recall seeing any on mine. I’m not sure it would’ve jibed anyway. The Finn Stick was by far my favorite, and not just because I’m a Finlander. The ladies missed out by not taking this one.
A little sprig of asparagus hid in my meat forest, and I chomped on that between shoves. Sometimes I lifted the kabob and tore into it an animal. Other times, I plucked off pieces and pushed them through the pie hole. Occasionally, I’d sip on my Mary. I emptied the glass in four or five triumphant sucks. I had to — I kept forgetting there was liquid in here.
Going three-bat is no cheap trick: The Mary by itself is $7.95, grilled cheese raises it $3, with the hunter and Finn sticks hiking it $4 more apiece. A decent tip turned this into a $25 meal. I wouldn’t indulge on this every Sunday necessarily, but you need this on your bucket list if it isn’t already. How can you not?
The staff struggled to keep pace with their Sunday traffic, but rewarded our patience with a free pastry apiece. I pocketed mine, and my wife mouthed it shortly after.
Listen, getting to the Finnish Bistro isn’t easy and it isn’t cheap. There’s nothing else for you in that neighborhood, unless you enjoy cruising on heinously-drawn-out streets or you want to fill up at the nearby Pump n’ Munch, but a trip to the Finnish Bistro is worth your while. Your sweet tooth will be sated nicely, and the Bloody Mary is an easy “do once before you leave the Earth” candidate.
Here, let me show it to you again.
One last thing: Is it just me, or does the sight of their website make you hungry for chocolate ice cream?