Fatterday: Too Hot for TV, Televised Anyway

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Wow, that light’s bright.

Cover your face.

No, not that much.

WOW, that light’s bright.

Watching Emily Engberg go about her business at such a high energy level was impressive. There she was, one of the Twin Cities’ favorite reporters, lauding my blog and my penchant for eating large portions. Three feet away, I was fidgeting with body parts I didn’t even know I could move. And sweating. That light was bright.

As of this article’s publication, my Twin Cities Live segment hadn’t been loaded onto their website. Maybe it’s a glitch; maybe it’s the work of President Obama (his speech cut into the show); or maybe someone decided my face is unfit for television. I tried to cover it, but my nose has a way of putting itself out there.

UPDATE The video is up! You can watch it here:
http://twincitieslive.com/article/stories/s3924090.shtml?cat=10692

Ah, yes, now the food.

Ems

WHAT IS THIS THING: 6Smith made a special Fat Pants Friday for their feature on Twin Cities Live and called it “Em’s Excellent Eating Adventure.” Emily Engberg would take one bite of this before calling it quits. She shoots whiskey well, though. She deserves your respect.

TOP TO BOTTOM: Petit Four, brioche bun, egg, onions, beef patty, onion straws, pork belly, bacon jam, cheddar fondue, bacon, some more bacon, another beef patty, asparagus, bun, mess, Hobbit colony.

HEIGHT: Em’s Adventure was tall. If you wanted to take this with you onto a roller coaster, it would’ve made the height minimum.

WEIGHT: I gained four pounds after eating it. Adjusting for meat-sweats, I’m estimating 58 ounces.

NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION: I was a rock after finishing this — I mean a boulder. Had a car hit me that night, it would’ve wrecked its front end and left me unscathed. I’ve never felt that healthy after eating a salad, that’s for sure.

ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT: It was on the tee vee, dude! I even got to hold the mic.

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WHO’S WITH ME? PR wizard and story-telling ace Jacqueline Hanson. She’s got stories so interesting, they made me put down my fork. Incredible young lady.

WHAT’S IN THE GLASS? Bauhaus Wonderstuff. It was the one thing I knew I could drink, possibly over-drink, without getting drunk. My aim was to have just enough to get loose, but not enough to start talkin’ wacko. That said, I had had 1.25 pints by the time my interview began. I don’t know what my sweet spot is, but it sure as hell isn’t that.

STRATEGY: Definitely not the technique I showed Emily during the interview! No, this was a pretty straight-forward matter of cutting away chunks until there was nothing left.

POST-GAME ANALYSIS: Chef Angel didn’t screw around. This was one of the best I’ve had this year. Only the Cuban Missile and the monster he made for my one-year anniversary show were better right off the top of my head. “Prime Time Luna” delivered in a big way.

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