Recipe: Motherf*cking Spaghetti Pie!

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This is a recipe post; and, because the Internet requires it, I’ve prefaced the actual recipe with a half-glass of personal commentary. If you’re excited to read the commentary, perfect! Continue reading as you normally would. If you just want to know how the damn thing is made, scroll down until you see a majestic slice of spaghetti pie. The recipe begins after that photo.

Hey, you! Are you getting tired of seeing your friends on social media with their “let’s lighten our timelines with a memory you have of me and share this post please” or “let’s lighten the mood with a photograph of someplace you’ve been and share this post please” status updates? And then a dozen people comment with similar, bone-dry stories? Or a bunch of people post their photographs in the comments of the main post where nobody will see them because Facebook has only been a thing for 16 years and they’re still getting the hang of it?

And that’s some of the good stuff you’re see on social media these days. You’ll forgive me, I hope, for not repeating all the horrible stuff. I think the rest of the Internet has that covered for now.

I’m here to bless your browser with a recipe for Spaghetti Pie! Spaghetti Pie is a delightful, easy-to-build carb island on which you can hide from the daily drudgery of your timeline – and speaking of feeds, this would normally feed 4-6 people but you’re sheltering in place like a good person! … right? Right?! That means Spaghetti Pie will feed you 4-6 times! Or 3-4 times, if you’re going especially hard (like me).

This isn’t an original recipe. This is based on the spaghetti pie recipe in the Thug Kitchen 101: Fast as F*ck cookbook. I added ingredients and used different amounts of some things than what’s instructed by the original recipe. Those differences are highlighted.

Your body had better be ready for this.

WHAT YOU NEED

  • ½ yellow onion, chopped (I always use a whole onion, and haven’t noticed a big difference when using white onions)
  • 1 lb spaghetti or something similar, cooked according to its package’s directions
  • 8-inch springform pan (I have a 9-inch and it works just as well) and oil to spray it with
  • 1 can (14 oz.) artichoke hearts, drained and rinsed
  • 1 zucchini, shredded (if you don’t have one on hand, just go on without it)
  • 2 cloves garlic, peeled (the jarred, pre-minced garlic works in a pinch)
  • ½ cup nutritional yeast (grated Parmesan works in a pinch)
  • 3 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
  • A pinch of salt
  • 2 tablespoons olive oil
  • ½ teaspoon dried thyme
  • ¼ cup thinly-sliced fresh basil (dried basil works in a pinch)
  • ½ bread crumbs, panko or regular
  • The recipe calls for one can (15 oz.) of unsalted tomato sauce, but that won’t be enough. I use closer to the 24-25 ounces you get in most pasta sauce jars. I also set about 1 cup aside for later on.
  • Mozzarella cheese, as much of it as your mortal coil can handle.

HOW YOU MAKE IT

  1. Pre-heat your oven to 450° and spray up the pan. Greasing it with butter works, too. If you’re worried about the pan leaking, wrap the bottom in tinfoil.
  2. Toss the tomato sauce, artichoke hearts, onion, garlic, yeast, balsamic, thyme, and salt into the blender or processor and mince it until it looks saucy.
  3. Mix the cooked noodles, zucchini, basil, and olive oil together in a bowl until everything is all slicked up with olive oil (including your hands).
  4. Pour the sauce into that bowl and mix it until everything is good and saucy (again, including your hands). Mix in the bread crumbs and mix one more time.
  5. Pour all of that into your pan, and press it down real good.
  6. Coat the top with that extra tomato sauce and cover that with your shredded Mozz. If you have some pepperonis or other quirky toppings on hand, go ahead and lay them out over that. I haven’t personally done this, but laying quirky toppings over cheese-covered surfaces has worked out well in the past.
  7. Spray the top with oil and stick it in the oven. I leave mine in for about 35 minutes, but it needs to be in there until the top looks a little burnt and and the sides are starting to pull away from the pan. Let it sit for about 10 minutes before digging in, if you can.
  8. Share this post please.

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