I was asked by a friend to whip up recommendations for an upcoming girls weekend in the Twin Ports; and, while I’ve never actually BEEN on a girls weekend (since my presence automatically makes it NOT a girls weekend), what I DID was hyper-type a list of the key stops and steps needed for a weekend of good times and blood-alcohol along Her Majesty Lake Superior.
OF COURSE this looks rushed. It took me 20 minutes to make.
Rule #1: Get a picture pointing at a Gronk’s cheeseburger or you have failed me.
Rule #2: If you’re looking for an environment resembling what you enjoy in Minneapolis, the closest you’re going to get are Grandma’s Sports Garden in Canal Park and whatever that stupid bar is called inside Fitger’s.
Rule #2A: If that stupid bar isn’t open, Fitger’s Brewhouse can pour you some happy taps. They were doing crafts before crafts were cool. They might even have a couple of dorks playing Indie music in that corner they call a stage.
Rule #3: Stop at the Canal Park Brewery and down Dawn Treaders. Just trust me. Make sure you’ve got a cab number handy.
Rule #4A: If you’re looking for THE top experience in downtown Duluth, the J.J. Astor atop the Radisson (a.k.a. the spinning restaurant) has slightly overpriced but pretty good food and the view is something I’d recommend doing if only once.
Rule #5: There’s a Pizza Luce downtown, but it’s a trap! All 5 of my 5 worst customer service experiences ever have occurred at this Pizza Luce. The food is okay, and it is open late, but I cannot in good conscience recommend coming here.
Rule #6: If you’re looking for an environment completely opposite of what you enjoy in Minneapolis, here’s hoping the construction is complete on Tower Avenue in Superior. If it isn’t, it probably won’t be worth the trouble. If it IS, get ready for white-trash Mardi Gras. Play “Guess the weight of the dancer” at the Lamplighter strip club/sideshow, or get barfed on by newly-21 bros at Third Base.
Rule #7: The Anchor Bar, and sit at the barber chairs. Even if Tower Avenue is still under construction, you can get to it. Find a way.
Rule #8: The Mariner Mall in Superior, LOL! BUT, there’s a great Mexican restaurant called Guadalajara in there. You’ll be able to find it because it’s pretty much the only business left in that mall, so just look for a not-empty space. Drink the large margaritas, eat some tamales, gulp a couple antacids, and make out in a booth. I don’t care if you’re only there with girls; what happens in Superior stays in Superior. Chive on!
Rule #9: Bars closed, and you’re in Superior and Hungry? Well, then, missy, it’s time you got familiar with GHETTO SPUR! Mashed potato balls at GHETTO SPUR! Stale-ass French fries at GHETTO SPUR! Greasy fried chicken at GHETTO SPUR! Violence over cigarettes at GHETTO SPUR! Sit at the outside picnic tables and eat your GHETTO SPUR while someone gets knocked the fugg out next to Pump 2.
EDIT: Apparently this is closing soon, and being rebuilt. Stay tuned …
Follow those simple rules, and you might not just get out of the Twin Ports alive.